Archive for the relationships Category

It’s Not Meant to Be…

Posted in interests, love, me time, relationships, thoughts on October 20, 2008 by anairam

and I quote:

🙂 nakabalik na pala si ….. sa s… di talaga kayo meant to be.

Me > naisip ko rin yan haha.

and according to the stars:

Dear Anairam,
Here is your single’s love horoscope
for Monday, October 20:

Stop thinking so much about what could have been something amazing with someone who’s no longer interested in a romantic encounter. Even though the outcome is disappointing, you shouldn’t dwell on a future that will never be. Move on.

Me > Sakto! Haha

and last but not the least, a recent online conversation with a friend:

🙂 hay alam mo nung nabasa ko ung blog mo…hindi ko alam kung gusto ko na sana magstay sya sa n…baka nga kasi mag-fall kau sabay…

🙂 basta maraming isda sa karagatan…wag nang balikan ang mga minahal sa nakaraan…hehe

Me > Wow. clap clap. and pakshet, you’re still reading my blog pala. sana dito ka na lang magcomment. Peace *******. I love you friend. haha.


Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me

Posted in dreams, interests, life, love, me time, relationships, thoughts on September 28, 2008 by anairam

Meredith Grey: Okay, here it is, your choice… it’s simple, her or me, and I’m sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

Here’s my case: It’s someone I really like at the moment, who is torn between 2 hospitals (both of which offers working opportunities & many good things: s..c & n…). I’m in n… His bestfriend (a girl) is in s… We’ve grown terribly close for the past month that he stayed for volunteer work at my hospital; he’s been around in s… for more than 5 months on-off, with no assurance of being hired. But currently, both opened a new job opportunity for him. And it’s up to him which one to go for and which one to sacrifice.

I know i’m not in the position to dictate to him where to go, I didn’t even bother to offer him to stay for good. Though sometimes i drop certain statements like “hindi ba ko sapat na dahilan para bumalik ka dito o bumisita paminsan-minsan?” I never convinced him to stay but I think I got the message across. Please stay, just stay here with me…

Not accepting the n… job would mean I wouldn’t get the chance to be with him (or I wouldn’t know if the feeling could be mutual), though sometimes I was thinking that it’s better without him around for that way the feeling won’t grow again, history won’t repeat itself.

In 2 days time, answers will unfold. Then we will know what destiny has in store for me..

Please stay, choose (n…) me, i know eventually you’ll learn to love me…

Confessions of “the Other Woman”

Posted in love, me time, relationships, thoughts on November 22, 2007 by anairam

The term “the other woman“, aside from its literal meaning, is usually coined in relationships as the third party, the mistress, the husband/boyfriend stealer, the relationship wrecker, etc… In other words, it’s a bad deal being referred to as one.

Sometimes though, I do feel like being the other woman. That maybe if I have a strong personality and a guy worth pursuing, I may be up to the adventure. Haha. But unfortunately not. I’m the dreamer/ hoper type, that one day the one meant for you will come across your way… What’s with bringing up this topic? As I’ve said, sometimes I feel like being the other woman. But not the active type, maybe the passive/ discreet type. Hehe. Yeah? In college, of the 7 guys in class, I was “linked” to 5 of them at least. I just remembered some sweet instances before that connects me with guys who are in a relationship. During those times I just thought to myself, “Why do they have to be taken?” or “If they were single, is it possible for ‘us’ to happen?” Hmmm…

Instance 1: I’ll name him El. He was a classmate and is my first ever crush in college. He was single till 2nd year when he met this girl. They are inseparable and going strong since then. But since he and his girlfriend were not of the same course, they are not always together. And me and El are close friends. And he really is sweet. Even to our other girl friends. But we usually are more often times teased together with me being tagged as “the other woman” nga. He had even kissed me several times in the head and in the cheeks. Held hands for like 2 minutes? Haha. Ahh… How sweet. He even confessed to me I was also his crush sometime, I don’t know if that was true. Some friends also noticed some “special attention” he was giving to me during review days. Anyways. I missed those days. Haha.

Instance 2: I’ll call him Dee. Also a classmate. We were also teased to each other before, way before he had his girlfriend. We were close but unlike El, we were not that sweet to each other. One time during my internship, he was also in the same clinic at school as I am, as that time he was assigned there for a practical exam. When he was about to leave (I remembered we were the only ones left in the room), he kissed me in the cheeks. But then me being “the other woman” was still not applicable at this time as he was still single but is already seeing someone. I just saw him earlier today went I visited our school and we had a nice big tight hug.

Instance 3: The high school love team. Let’s refer to him as Jayce. He was romantically linked to me in high school, he even tried courting me then (i think) but for some reason he disappeared. We never had gotten close since then as there was an awkward air if we were to be together. Years after high school, we got each other’s cellphone number through a friend and were constant text mates since then. There was this one time when he asked me advice regarding his troubled love life then. He even promised to take me to Boracay, only the 2 of us (all expense paid by him), the time he graduates and is earning money. I still have the text message from him saved in my cell phone. Up until now I was wondering if this promise would materialize in the future. Now that he currently is in a relationship. Hay.

Instance 4: Let’s refer to him as J-P. He is also a classmate and had gotten close to him during thesis days. We’ve bonded so much during our subject hunting as we are traversing the whole Metro, hospital hopping etc. We even bonded to the point of back fighting some one. Haha. I just missed the days when we were maniacally laughing our hearts out, out of exhaustion and thesis pressure. Like being positive despite the downfalls we are facing. Some amazing friendship was developed. We were even tagged as a love team and pseudo-bf/gf by classmates. Haha. But he is in a wonderful relationship and had even shared to me his plans of getting married someday to this girl. Up until now I wasn’t admitting to myself that I liked him somehow, I was just amazed of how great of a person he is. And that’s one very lucky girl to have him.

I just happened to think about these things sometime and was really asking “Why am I being placed in such situations as this?”. Sometimes, I was jokingly thinking, “Maybe I’m such a really charming person, and some “taken” guy magnet. It was annoying to think that if I could develop some sweet moments with “guys in a relationship”, why not with a single person na lang who is free of any commitment, such that any connection with us will be valid and will not be considered as a “third party”?. That if “guys in relationship” find me as something, hopefully, someday, or in the near future, some single guy will find me that as well and will be the start of a valid, happy relationship….

The Tagaytay Experience (to sum it all up)

Posted in adventures, friendship, interests, relationships, thoughts on November 12, 2007 by anairam

To sum it all up, it was one unique, enjoyable, fun experience for me.

(1) It’s because it’s the first time I’m going out of town with friends (without a chaperone, as the first time I went out of town, I was with a maid).

(2) I’m with friend’s whom I have only known for a month. One is a classmate but we never really were that super friends in college so know is also a bonding moment with her. My experience with new friends was fun. They brought out the adventurous side of me. It’s fun that were all game for the experience. Nobody did backed-out (or nagreklamo man lang).

(3) I felt this is one of the things I was looking for before. The kind of quality time I needed off for myself.

(4) A bonding experience of newly found friends who might have shared the same trips as I do. At least it solidified a bit the friendship that was founded.

(5) It helped my interpersonal skills grew a bit as I’ve learned how to deal with new people in a friendly happy manner. And it’s the thought of “pakikisama”.

(6) I have a sure excuse not to go to meet my old barkada at Shangrila Mall, as I thought to myself I need to lose some weight first before showing my face to them. AHAHA.

(7) Even though with the shocking “Out” revelation, I still got to be with my Sir Crush and get to sit beside him in the restaurant. Sayang talaga sya. wahhhh.

(8) I get to enjoy. The genuine one. ^_^. Weehee

Hopefully, more trips to come. No more KJ’s. And hopefully next time we get to drink and be merry. wahaha.

The Tagaytay Experience (Part 2. Revelation)

Posted in adventures, friendship, life, relationships, thoughts on November 12, 2007 by anairam

After the wonderful, bountiful, super-satiating meal, we went off to transfer to the nearby Starbucks, which is ~10 meters away from our first stop. Yes, dumayo ng Tagaytay para lamang mag-Starbucks. Ehe. Syempre we ordered coffee, sa akin e hot Latte, my ever favorite since I started hanging out at Starbucks last May. And yes, I am to collect stickers for the prize of 2008 Starbucks planner, na kung sana ang promo na ito started last May, naka-3 planner na siguro ako sa dalas ng tambay ko sa Starbucks. Going back, we were in Starbucks since 12 midnight and stayed there till 3:30 am. But only when it was 2:30 that the fire is on for our chika minute/ revelation proper.

It all started when one girl staff asked us volunteers if we knew the status of one of the guy staffs there. My friend and I were like, “huh? status? relationship status? social status? what?”. Looking back for a moment, this guy staff they’re talking about was one of the 2 guy staffs there. What we knew of him for the last weeks that were there was that he was quite open. He would burst out his depressing and happy stories about his relationship status to you even though were not that super close just yet. He was also beginning to be touchy-feely just recently, making “akbay” etc. All I ever thought of that was it was a friendly “akbay”. And it turned out to be true. As it is because, he turned out to be gay. Wahh. And all along the relationship he was referring to was about his boyfriend. And to think he doesn’t look like one. And it doesn’t show in his actions. Sayang, may itsura pa naman. Isa na namang kawalan sa mag kababaihan. Hay. It’s just that I can’t imagine him in the kind of relationship that he is in. I mean, nothing against gay people, just that this is the first time I ever came close to one who doesn’t look like one but is in some serious homosexual relationship of some sort. Hay, sayang talaga. Haha.

Then here comes Sir Crush. Yes he crushed my heart as I also confirmed that night that he was gay too. And with that revelation night of the other staff, he went out too. Formally. To us. And we both acted that we knew all along. That were just shy to confirm it. Well there were hints. In the manner he talks. etc. But he’s just so cute. And so I refused to believe. But he is. Wahh. And he turned out to be much more “malandi” than me. He even told me he would like to make out with Prince William and be with Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise even just for one night (he answered this when we were talking about the topic “Your 3 wishes” and “What would you do if it were the 24 days of your life”). Nyah. My friend, who also finds him cute, were making some signals to me of a broken heart of some sort as she knew my heart was shattered after confirming it. Hay. Life. Here’s another thing. We have this lesbian-looking patient, who is about their age (he was about 25 i think), who turns out to be writing love letters to my dear Sir Crush-who-turned-out-to-be-gay. Complicated much? Yeah.

Another sayang for the kababaihans. Such a waste. Kakompetensya ko na nga ang girls, pati boys, pati lesbian looking. Wahaha.


My Dream Dream

Posted in dreams, interests, love, photos, relationships, thoughts on October 13, 2007 by anairam

Yes, you’ve read it right. I dreamt of my dream dream. Haha. It’s just that I dreamt of my 4 crushes (previous and present, fact and fictional) all in one dream. Haha. My lucky day. It’s cute, at least two of them were present in one scene. But dreams are meant to be weird and complicated. Some scenes were sweet, in another I just find myself crying. But I’m just happy that I get to see them all together, faces were clear, they were really there with me and without me ever needing to wake up. It’s like watching, or rather, being in a TV series, with your story, your very own character and with your choice of leading men to participate. Haha. It’s just too bad I have to wake up and poof, realizing dreams are meant to be dreams. Ang haba na sana ng hair ko. Bakit kasi di na lang siya mangyari sa tunay na buhay. Hay.


To dream about a former crush, refers to that particular period in your life and what you were feeling. The former crush represents a point in time when you first had the crush on that person.

Let’s name them shall we? 2 of them were my high school crushes; one a fictional character; and one well is the present crush. Let’s give them codes. I use to refer my 2 high school crushes as Recca and Dylan. Yes, ever watched the Flame of Recca? Hehe, Recca is the real love interest of the girl, and Dylan is one man who sees the girl as his sister (because he thinks she has some resemblance to her kidnapped sister), so he also cares for her. In real life, Recca is my “high school love team” and Dylan is a close friend/ crush and he calls me ate (big sister) for some reason although he’s older than me and I end up calling him kuya (big brother). So my code names have basis, nice fit eh? Haha. Moving on, the fictional character is Chiba Mamoru, yes of Sailor Moon. But I’m referring not to the anime character but to the guy who played him in the Live Action version. Some cutie! Hehe. And last but not the least, the topic of my many blog post, the present, let’s call him Batchoy.

The first scene was we were in a videoke room. With me was Recca and one high school close friend (Icy). We were having fun on singing on videoke, teasing, kulitan, etc. till we have to end because it’s night already, and it’s closing time. But here’s the deal, a bed was suddenly there, yes, we never did walked out of the room, it is the same room we were singing in. The room was painted in white, the sheets and pillowcases were white. And that’s all you’ll ever find in the room, a bed in white, white walls and a door out.



White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. However, in Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.


To dream that you are in the bedroom, signifies aspects of your self that you keep private. It is also indicative of your sexual nature.


Then it’s time to sleep. Well, first of all, nothing intimate happened eh?! I just found myself lying in bed in between Recca and Batchoy. Recca was on my right and was lying in supine like me, while Batchoy on my left was lying in prone. And that’s it. On to the next scene.

I then found myself with Dylan, who brought me to the hospital to visit his sick grandmother. As we were in front of the door, he opened it, but we didn’t enter just yet. I think I saw a ventilator from the outside, and thought her grandmother was dead and I saw myself crying right then and there. Weird eh? And to think that isn’t my grandmother.



To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions.


Hospitals really bother us a lot. We are exposed to them at many levels in our own lives and through media and entertainment. Whether you are the patient or the visitor, no one wants to be there. Yet to dream of a hospital is not uncommon.

As often as not, hospital dreams have little to do with sickness. However, in many hospital dreams, we have good reason to be there. They break down into dreams involving the emergency room, general care, intensive care, being unable to leave, and receiving nonsensical treatment in them.

General care dreams reflect our sense of needing or being needed by others. Differentiated from the above dream, general care dreams do not reflect a crisis-level anxiety, but more of a dependent lifestyle. The relationship in a hospital is a one-way flow from care-giver to patient. This is a picture of dependence.


As a general rule grandparents are a symbol of, love, security, love, protection, love, home, and love…


Anyways, as I thought she was dead, but she isn’t. We entered the room and was greeted at first by a grumpy grand mom. But then as we chat along, I figured she was beginning to like me. I saw me and Dylan passively moving her lower limbs (like that of what I do in my physical therapy profession—passive range of motion exercises). Then we were chatting with each other, I think it was about Dylan’s ex-girlfriends manner of dancing (feeling weird?) and one moment I think I saw grand mom standing and was demonstrating the dance (really really weird, haha). Then we were laughing and was happy.

Then visitors came entering the room, yes it was Chiba Mamoru, hehe. My, my, so gorgeous. Haha. He was Dylan’s friend visiting grand mom too and I think he was giving me a jealous stare. Haha. I feel like we know each other and he was wondering why I was there with Dylan. Bwahaha. Basta, bottom line selos siya kay Dylan. Weehee.



To see a celebrity in your dream, represents your beliefs and understanding about him or her. Something in you waking life has triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. It is not uncommon that your obsession with a certain celebrity may carry over onto your dream world. Celebrities are often seen as heroes and all that is mighty. Also consider any puns within the name.


The End.

Waah. I just wished it would happen in real life. But then again it won’t because Recca has a girlfriend, Dylan is getting married early next year, Batchoy is nowhere to be seen, and well, Mamoru is in Japan, maybe doing another TV series. Hay. I was just wondering what was the dream’s message. I’m yet to figure it out. But for now. I love dreaming… Haha.

By the way, here’s the pic of the guy who played Chiba Mamoru, Shibue Jyoji:



Music of my Heart

Posted in love, music, relationships, thoughts, video on October 11, 2007 by anairam

Yesterday, he remembered. Yes, he remembered me. Thanks to the chocoflakes.

It started in an exchange of message, with me trying hard to come off as sweet but maybe recognized still in the pal category. Hay. Anyways, the messages were all about music. Turns out a song i loved in the past and I still know it by heart till now got his attention. He loved the song and it showed in the way he wrote down his profile in Friendster. The title was Never Saw Blue Like that” by Shawn Colvin, its one of the soundtracks of Dawson’s Creek before.

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