Archive for the life Category

Overwhelmed?!

Posted in dreams, life, love, me time, thoughts on November 28, 2008 by anairam

After 2 months of being apart and almost the same span of time with no communication… I seem to have forgotten the feeling.. *thinking of the song, “I remember the boy, but I don’t remember the feeling anymore”* hehe…

With all the realizations pouring on me now, I would have gone to conclude that it was just a case of me being overwhelmed with much attention that I didn’t received from him back in our college days. Imagine being together for 24 days, 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, and a bonus 2 nights 3 days escapade to paradise, closer than ever, sharing one’s dreams, having the whole beach on our own for 3 days–( ok lets not do this again, hehe). Who wouldn’t fall for that? I did. And I guess now it’s all over and reality is waking me up from a beautiful dream.

At present there are much rumors that he might be – gay… I just saw his pics with our “recently OUT” friend with his other gay friend… (maybe they’re convincing him of his true nature.. haha.. Who cares about that now anyway?) Sometimes I wish I didn’t do some things that I did, *now now, like I did something unbelievably stupid eh?* (like crying every night for the whole week after the paradise escapade, realizing that the dream has come to an end) but I still live with my principles, “to forget and never regret

Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me

Posted in dreams, interests, life, love, me time, relationships, thoughts on September 28, 2008 by anairam

Meredith Grey: Okay, here it is, your choice… it’s simple, her or me, and I’m sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

Here’s my case: It’s someone I really like at the moment, who is torn between 2 hospitals (both of which offers working opportunities & many good things: s..c & n…). I’m in n… His bestfriend (a girl) is in s… We’ve grown terribly close for the past month that he stayed for volunteer work at my hospital; he’s been around in s… for more than 5 months on-off, with no assurance of being hired. But currently, both opened a new job opportunity for him. And it’s up to him which one to go for and which one to sacrifice.

I know i’m not in the position to dictate to him where to go, I didn’t even bother to offer him to stay for good. Though sometimes i drop certain statements like “hindi ba ko sapat na dahilan para bumalik ka dito o bumisita paminsan-minsan?” I never convinced him to stay but I think I got the message across. Please stay, just stay here with me…

Not accepting the n… job would mean I wouldn’t get the chance to be with him (or I wouldn’t know if the feeling could be mutual), though sometimes I was thinking that it’s better without him around for that way the feeling won’t grow again, history won’t repeat itself.

In 2 days time, answers will unfold. Then we will know what destiny has in store for me..

Please stay, choose (n…) me, i know eventually you’ll learn to love me…

I’ll Catch You Later

Posted in adventures, dreams, friendship, interests, life, love, me time, thoughts on June 20, 2008 by anairam

I made a new friend today. Actually, we’ve been constantly messaging each other on a Facebook-based application, Flirtable, but it’s more of a friendly conversation, or you can say we’re friendly flirts. Haha. Today he finally added me to be his friend on Facebook, we chatted there (and I never realized that the little chat button there was useful) and he added me @ YM. In turn, I looked him up on Friendster and added him as a friend, and he requested to be my Multiply contact. Haha. Wonders of networking these days.

It was more of in the getting-to-know stage. Endless exchange of his and hellos and some information you can safely disclose. Up until the point that he made some significant step, he read my Multiply blog post, Love Hurts?! (which I originally posted here). It was then that there had been a change of mood, he complimented me with how I was able to magnificently write the post, with almost no grammatical error, in great content delivery. It felt terribly good. It was rather inspiring. A great morale/confidence booster. To be complimented by a stranger, and from which, by only with chatting as the means, I felt it was sincere.

It was then that I decided to return the favor and read his blog. Another change of mood, I terribly felt sad with his posts. I could have hugged him to comfort him if the chat was in person. He was so sad, really sad. It was riveting as he writes his sentences with every word coming from the heart. Turns out he’s broken hearted, and the passion just runs through his posts. Damn, why is it that I’m a magnet of broken-hearted guys. No wonder I’m single right now. I just hope that God wouldn’t allow that I’d be the “comforter of the afflicted”, or panakip-butas, that’s how I define it.

Going back. Tonight, I met a very inspiring person. The one who made me feel terribly flattered and happy one minute and sympathetic and lonely the other. I called him the weird computer genius as he refers to me as super-duper-uber therapeutic genius (YM message status). The ‘schizophrenic’ and the ‘hopeless romantic’. It ended when I called it a night and it ended there. ” I’ll catch you later”

To the weird computer genius who inspired me this whole night. this post is for you:

I am hopeless romantic after all that’s why expect this words from me… Liver Cirrhosis is deadly, i’ll remind you next time constantly to bring this matter to your company doctor during your annual medical check-up (haha). Kidding aside, I do hope that still somewhere out there in your lonely aching heart that you’ll find inspiration to bring about the sleeping poet in you-the one who puts passion into his writing and who is rather unaware of the depth it brings to it’s sympathetic readers. I know your a beautiful person, imperfect, schizophrenic, inspiring, interesting. Keep your hopes up. Until we meet again. Ciao. – your equally imperferct, schizophrenic, inspiring, beautiful person….

Love Hurts?!

Posted in interests, life, love, me time, thoughts on June 10, 2008 by anairam

Realize this:

“Everyone says love hurts, but that’s not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that doesn’t hurt. “

Not that I had experienced a great deal of loving (pertaining to romantic love), but I maybe one of the few people who probably still believes that LOVE is the best thing that ever existed on earth. This LOVE that I’m referring to may pertain but is not limited to romantic love but of all sorts. It makes the world go round. One cannot deny, even the most selfish person on earth could have made reason that he loved something/someone so much that he wouldn’t want to give some away. Or even a hermit in seclusion could probably confess of loving himself/loving his peace so much that he wants to keep it to himself alone. The point is love is supposed to be good, if not the better or the best, but what’s with all the stories of love being the source of all the hurt?

Here’s my scientific take on it:

One thing to point out is that maybe love has been so universal that it has been intertwined with all the other concepts that exist. Truth is, love comes with no definition, it only comes with the assurance from the people who experienced it in its various forms that everything will be worth it. It will be wonderful, it will be the best.

It maybe the consequences, the situation, the many factors that comes along with love that makes everything so complicated and confusing. Love exists in “Life” and so are many ideas, concepts, feelings, emotions, or whatever factors you may have on your mind. One may experience the negative factors of life e.g. rejection, envy, anger, pride, loneliness; of which may co-exist with love in a situation. The end goal of love being not fulfilled (being happy forever and ever) may have been one reason why it all boils down to blaming love for everything, not considering all the negative aspects that coexisted with it. Kung iisipin kawawa naman pala si love.

And now I am thinking of all those people who are afraid of falling and experiencing love again after a failed previous mission to reach the end goal of love. It was because they were once rejected, they cried all night because of loneliness, they grew tired of it, they gave up on it, they were hurt. Come to think of it, you can experience the same rejection, loneliness, exhaustion, and hurt in your everyday life even not in application to a romantic relationship. But with love, it comes with a special meaning. You gave up due to hurt secondary to all the other factors but not with love. And if love is strong enough, it can conquer even the harshest rejection, the deepest loneliness, the greatest hurt. It revives the worst wounds and makes everything turn out to be better/best. Because it the end, the most important thing is that you loved and you gave it your best shot. ^_^

Pregnant

Posted in dreams, interests, life, thoughts on May 10, 2008 by anairam

Yet another pregnancy/baby dream. I already have a previous post regarding this but that one focuses on babies on which I dreamt I have one, and some of my friends dreamt in their dreams that I was pregnant. This time (which was a few minutes ago before I woke up), I dreamt that I was pregnant, probably on my first trimester, was in the rehab clinic I work in, and finding out that I was, I went looking for the ultrasound room. Haha. I also remembered going to the restroom taking a pee, with a friend, on which I don’t know but I think we were observing what my pee would look like (?!) and we were kinda looking at some blood samples (I don’t recall if this came from my pee but it doesn’t seem that I had a miscarriage). And I also went to the man responsible for this (haha), this time I know who the father is, and take note, in my dream, while I was telling him that I am pregnant, a slight flashback of the actual *bed scene* was shown (but it wasn’t offending/all out in any way, just an intimate moment and not in detail. Hai. Then I remembered saying myself, “May nangyari nga ba sa tin?” then goes the flashback then he said “Patay”. And smiled. Haha. It was more like a comedic fun ambiance when this was happening apart from a serious environment you’d expect. Then walking towards the ultrasound room, I remembered feeling a baby’s heartbeat on myself. –End of the story–

Interpretations I found:

PREGNANT:

> To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it.  This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal. http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/p3.htm

> For a woman, this dream forecasts a happy increase in material wealth http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/Dream_InterpretationDictionary_Pregnancy/id/243095

> If the dreamer is a woman and you dream you are pregnant then you will see a big increase in your income, but if you are unwed and sad you will experience losses. (Hala! I’m unwed, but I am happy!) http://www.sleeps.com/dictionary/ppp.html

> Old dream interpretation books say that a dream about pregnancy is a good omen for women, and an improvement in her intimate relationship is forthcoming. http://www.dreamloverinc.com/p.htm#Pregnancy

URINATION:

> To dream that you are urinating, symbolizes a cleansing and release of negative or repressed emotions. Urination is symbolic of having or lacking basic control in your life. http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/u.htm

> Releasing bodily wastes in a dream suggests a need to release repressed emotions and/or anxiety. At times urination may have sexual connotations. Many people dream about the need to urinate which wakes them up and then they realize that they need to use the bathroom. At times the dream triggers the physical sensation and other times the physical sensation may become a part of the dream. http://www.dreamloverinc.com/u.htm#Urination

BLOOD:

> It is the life-giving, vital part of our physiology and it may symbolize our strengths and weaknesses and our physical and mental health. If you are currently experiencing a very difficult time in your life, you may have dreams with bloody and frightening images. Don’t worry, you may be venting your fears! Some believe that when you see blood in your dream, the distressing situation in your life which is at the root of the dream has come to an end, and the worst is over. Consider the details and the relationships between of all the symbols in your dream before making an interpretation. http://www.dreamloverinc.com/b.htm#Blood

BATHROOM:

> To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to “relieve yourself”.  Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically. http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/house.htm

So How’s Your March?

Posted in adventures, life, me time, thoughts on March 18, 2008 by anairam

So far? So flat line. Plateau. Straight line. Same as every month for the past 22 years and a month of my life. Single. Pretty. Cuddly. Huggable. Shy. Little Miss Perfect. Still waiting for a life to happen.

So how’s March so far?

Continue reading

Happy 22nd

Posted in life, me time, thoughts on February 16, 2008 by anairam

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to me…

Officially 22 years old at around 7:30 AM.

A so-so day.

Lunch date with the family at a chaotic buffet garden restaurant somewhere around QC.

It was a battle between high school and college friends and college won hands down. Only one from high school remembered my special day, and it was my best friend. The key people I expected to remember disappointed me.

I received a heart necklace from my chinky better friend (not best just better ^_^) and a pearl dangling gold based earrings from my sister (funded by mom). They obviously know my love for jewelry and accessories.

On my clock it’s just 2 minutes more before its not my birthday anymore.

Yung mga gustong humabol sa regalo, pwede pa ha. Magpasabi lang. haha. ^_^

Happy 22nd!