Blogging

Approximately a year from now, i really had no idea what a blog is all about. That an online diary such as this exist. But then friendster comes along with the blog thingies where everybody was hooked up to. And here goes the curious little me, reading other blogs, got interested and had the idea of creating one myself. And i did..

So i started posting things. First was about my block and how i will miss school when i get to internship and the second was about my favorite anime turned live action series- SailorMoon. I was so excited then and was hoping for somebody to comment on it. But sadly nobody did. And so my next posts after that were the lyrics of my favorite songs. Or the songs i can relate to at that certain moment. Song lyrics that descibed my feelings at that moments of my life. January of this year, i posted a survey with my answers to it. The next few months thereafter, i posted something about my dream, a dream so special to me at that moment. But a month after, I deleted it.

So where am i getting at?

Just now i just wondered, is anybody really reading these stuffs? Because back then, i was excited to see if somebody would comment on anything that i will post (not that i will ever know or will ever count the number of people that will view my blog). But nobody did and i was disappointed. I started to post music lyrics just to hide my true feelings and instead looked for a song that could describe it all. And i tell you it was hard looking for one that could really describe it all and it is hard to post and look for a way for your post to still be as anonymous as it could be. I posted and shared my dream and deleted it afterwards. So silly of me. Why? Probably because i was afraid of other people’s reaction and was not ready for the world to ever see my feelings and start to judge me (as if i am that popular that my friends at friendster would ever care reading my blog..) hehe. But well that is afterall friendster, where my profile is really public and people around there are people who really knew me in person. So whether i like it or not, anybody i knew could view my blog there and well judge me with my writings..

But those days are over because i am here now.. and because now, i want to think aloud, without a big risk of anybody ever knowing this is me.. hehe.. and maybe because i want an outlet of myself.. to be able to share, react, comment, express, confide; which, on the real world, i am not able to do so much. Why so? Because i chose to. And because i think i don’t have anybody around to be able to share big things with. Either they’re unavailable or i am just afraid, really afraid of being misunderstood..

But here, where nobody knows me (well except for my one friend who inspired me in doing this) , i can be who i want to be even for that certain moment only. I can express the fluctuation of emotions i am feeling from time to time. I can be silly, freaky, crazy, bitchy and animated and nobody would ever care.. wahaha..

And now that i’ve warmed up, it’s time to start this.. woohoo..

p.s. i never realized i could be this fluent.. haha.. i have the feeling i’m going to love this.. and i’m so ‘madaldal na’